YOU LEFT IN THE RAIN WITHOUT CLOSING THE DOOR.
I DIDN'T STAND IN YOUR WAY.
{MAYBE IT WAS THE UZI.}

Okay, let's see.  I've already used descriptive adjectives like lachrymose and smarmy for these songs I've been beating up like redheaded stepchildren.  I think I've used sappy, and I'd swear I even compared Burton Cummings's Stand Tall to something inspired by hallucinogenic drugs and A. A. Milne.

One time, I ate some Quaker instant oatmeal.

It was peaches and cream flavor ...

No, no -- let me get it right:

It was probably "peachesncream" flavor, which insinuates that it has been near neither "peaches" nor "cream" in anything like the last three revolutions of the planet Pluto.

I didn't like it very much.

It was way too sweet, and gooey (of course) and what little tartness came from the sorry excuse for dried peaches tasted artificial -- like it was induced by chemicals instead of the natural flavor of the handful of peach molecules that actually existed in the stuff.

Randy Vanwarmer's album that contained Just When I Needed You Most was called Warmer And Warmer.

His name was Randy Vanwarmer.

Randy Vanwarmer's "Warmer and Warmer"

I'm craving Quaker instant oatmeal just thinking about this song.

No, I don't actually want to hear the song.

Or eat the oatmeal.